


Box cutter

by Emilywemily



Category: Breaking Bad, Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Breaking Bad Fusion, Alternate Universe - Human/Troll Society (Homestuck), Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Angst with a Happy Ending, Casteism | Hemophobia (Homestuck), Child Abuse, Crossover, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, F/F, F/M, Homophobia, Humor, M/M, Methamphetamine, Recreational Drug Use, Written in Andrew hussie’s style
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:46:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28170369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilywemily/pseuds/Emilywemily
Summary: After taking in a kid, Dave, off the streets, a young man named jesse soon realises he has not got enough money to provide for the two of them. And so takes up meth cooking in order to make enough. He does his best to keep the kid out of it, but once Dave  turns 13 he discovers what jesse’s been doing. And a certain group of people take note of him and his friend’s existence.I don’t think you need to know breaking bad in order to read this. It just helps with some of the references and to understand character motives. Although you will be very confused if you read this without any knowledge of homestuck, especially by the writing style. At least knowledge of the first half of act five is needed.Tw for mentions of physical child abuse from bro, and homophobiaI don’t own breaking bad or homestuck, nor any character in this story.
Relationships: Andrea Cantillo/Jesse Pinkman, Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Jane Margolis/Jesse Pinkman, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Skyler White/Walter White
Comments: 3
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

A young man, bloodied after a fight, walks down a dark alleyway alone. He’s clutching his arm as he limps forward. Blood soaked clothes uncomfortably cling to him like plastic wrap or sellotape. He doesn’t know how he survived, let alone got a hit in on the guy, but he did. 

Maybe we should learn his name...

**— > enter name: **

Your name is **Jesse Pinkman.** You're a local weed dealer, and a skinny white guy with bleach blonde hair and deep sunken eyes with a cigarette addiction. You’ve got a serious case of ‘acting a lot tougher than you actually are in order to not seem weak.’ Although you’d never admit it. Kind of like another character...

where were you? Oh yes! Bleeding to death from being stabbed and having the last of your grass taken off you. 

stumbling around for the keys to your car, you start hearing a whimpering noise. You briefly stop, but shrug and assume it’s a dog. That is, until you here the voice call for help. It’s a kid’s voice, too. You turn a corner. You know this is a bad idea, despite what most people think you’re not actually stupid, just overly impulsive. On the off chance this isn’t a human trafficking situation, you cross your fingers and go to try and help the kid in need. 

To admittedly your own surprise, it is in fact, a child. Nursing their leg and whimpering. You slowly approach the kid, not wanting to scare them. Upon closer inspection, you can tell it’s a boy with dyed bright blonde hair, wearing a jacket, printed T-shirt, jeans and aviator sunglasses. Despite it being twelve AM. You call out to him. “Pssst, hey kid!” You whisper shout. He looks up at you and scurries back a little. “Hey are you hurt? Do you want me to call the hospital?” You mentally slap yourself for almost saying police. He turns his head away. “I’m fine.” He says angrily. You can tell he is quite obviously the opposite of fine.

”shit, kid, you’re bleeding a lot. Do you need money?” You ask. He shakes his head. Then looks up at you with raised eyebrows. He slowly gets up. He’s fairly tall, but only looks about thirteen at the oldest. You bend down slightly to match his height. “Kid, do you want me to take you to the hospital?” You know how creepy this sounds, but say it anyway. He takes a nervous step back and shakes his head. “The hospital will contact him. ‘M not goin’ back!” He replies adamantly. You’ve only just realised how strong of a Texan accent this kid has. You can tell he’s trying not to cry as his shoulders are shaking. You can’t help but ask “what...what happened to you?” He sits down again, and sighs. “Nothin’. ‘M fine.” He sniffs. “Kid, don’t be a bitch, let me take you to a supply store at least?” The eleven year old looks up at you, and after thinking to himself for a minute or so, nods his head and naïvely follows you to your car.   
  


You shoot into the store and pick up bandages, iodine, paracetamol tablets, a bottle of water, a sandwich, and some band aids. Opening the car door, you ask the child if he wants to get fixed up here or at your house. And, just like an eleven year old would say, he responds “your house.”   
  


The drive was quiet. You don’t quite know what you’re doing, your nineteen, practically just kidnapped an eleven year old, got stabbed, and now invited a half dead kid into your abode

**Jesse: open the door and think about what to do next.**

and do that you will. Immediately, in better lighting, you can see that the poor little shit is more injured than you thought. He sits down on your couch and takes a big bite out of the blt you bought him. His dark skin is covered in bruises and cuts. You set down the tablets and water you bought for him, and he drinks almost half the bottle is under a minute. Little dude must be thirsty you think. With a completely neutral expression, he looks up at you and gives you a thumbs up. You smirk. “Hey this is gonna sting ok? But we gotta make sure you ain’t got an infection alright? One...” you begin counting down before applying the iodine. “Two...” he instinctively winces but relaxes almost immediately after. “Three!” The kid keeps a straight face the whole time. It’s actually kind of impressive. Never the less, he smiles a bit when you finish putting on his bandages.   
  
**Jesse: be the chemistry teacher**

ah patients my dear readers, that’s a few years from now. Try this instead:

**Jesse: be the Kid**

well, first of all, you’ve always been yourself. Second of all, this whole situation is very weird to you.   
  


Your name is **Dave strider.** And you were on the run from your abusive older brother/caretaker, but it seems you’ve found yourself in a strangers house...

**Dave: do something awesome**

You epically backflip over the couch, all the while slowly taking a bite out of your sandwich. You land with one hand on the ground, and rise up, doing finger guns to the nice man who’s helped your wounds. He seems impressed. At least, that’s the impression you gather from his out bursts of “holy shit!”’s And “how’d you do that!?”’s. You moon walk over the the kitchen and take a look around. What are you looking for?

**please God no puppets.**

”you don’t have any puppets right mysterious man who technically kidnapped me?” you question. He laughs. “What? Puppets? Dude you’re weird man. Speaking of mysterious, you can just call me Jesse.” You nod and give him a thumbs up. In your best Sean Connery impression, you turn to him and say; “the name’s strider. Dave strider.” He smiles.  
  


** dave: Ask him what he’s going to do now **

Jesse looks at you with concern he picks up the phone. “I gotta call child services kid. Sorry.” You frown, but shrug. You knew this day would come. “You have to? I heard the foster care system is like, whack.” He nods sadly. “You can’t stay here, alright? I’m sorry kid.” He seems genuinely upset. You look up at him. He looks at you. And slowly, you give him a thumbs down.   
  


**dave: plead with the mystery man.**

you try puppy eyes before realising your wearing sunglasses. Indoors. At night. You’re just that cool. “Bro, dude, come on, homie, friend, pal, mysterious kidnapper, mystery man, tired dude, dudebro, home slice, amigo, friendo-“ he cuts you off. “What do you want me to do kid! Do you know how many leagle documents are involved in this!?” You nod and pull out of your bag, your passport, birth certificate, some of your medical history, social security card and bus pass. “I ran away from home. And before you ask, he was a dick and yes that is why I’m so busted up.” You wouldn’t be so frank usually, but you figure you can make an exception given the situation. “But I’d done my research. And managed to get as many legal documents as possible.” Jesse stood there, a little surprised at your explanation. “And your absolutely sure that it was him who did this to you?” You really, _really_ don’t want to get into your twelve years of trauma from bro, so you won’t. But for emergencie’s sake, you’ll tell him a little. 

“Ever since I could talk, bro would kick me, punch me, yell at me. He refused to by food for me and every time I would try and eat something, he’d try to catch me out. He almost always did. I know siblings hurt each other. But, he was-“ you stop and sigh. Are you getting emotional? “He was twenty when I was born. There’s some other stuff too, but that’s all I’m comfortable sayin to a stranger. And I didn’t even want to say that so fuck you I guess.” You sniff slightly. You feel a hand on your shoulder. “Kid, if you need a place to stay, you can stay here with me. I’m not going to hurt you I promise.” He smiles a little sadly. “You want dinner? I’ve got like, not much actually...” he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “Is that sandwich enough for now? I’ll get more tomorrow for ya?” He smiles. You stop.

” So, I can st- stay?” Wow was that uncool. Your voice never wavers. Never. You’ve had a rough day though. So just this once, you’ll let yourself have an uneasy voice. Jesse nods and pulls you in for a hug. At first, you stand completely still. This is usually where bro...no. You know what? Fuck your brother. This isn’t bro. This is a hug. Very slowly, you hug back. Sooner than you thought you start getting a blurred vision. _Great. Tears._

Why was he taking pitty on a miserable shit like you? Why? You don’t understand. You can’t understand...

but maybe that’s ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got quite emotional writing this ngl


	2. *Christopher Lloyd voice* one year into the future!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave: get suspicious of Jesse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The D-slur is used in this in reference to myself. I can use it, I am a lesbian

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: HEY NOOKSTAIN 

CG: DID YOU GET THE GIFTS? 

TG: yeah asshat. Thanks but I’m sure they're a pile of shit

TG: woah what 

TG: dude you didn’t have to do that

TG: not to sound gay but thanks man 

CG: YOU ALWAYS SOUND GAY

CG: INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA IS A REAL PROBLEM YOU KNOW

TG: at least is I was I’m hot enough to get some unlike you 

CG: IDK THAT SOUNDS PRETTY GAY TO ME 

TG: not as gay as your mom 

CG: TROLLS DON’T HAVE MOTHERS FUCKASS. AND IF I DID, MY MOTHER WOULD BE PERFECTLY HETEROSEXUAL THANK YOU VERY MUCH

CG: FURTHERMORE, YOU AND YOUR EMPTY THINKPAN *REALLY* THINK YOU’D BE ABLE TO GET GUYS IF YOU WERE GAY?

CG: WHO’D WANT TO GET WITH YOUR UGLY MUG? IM DOING YOU A FAVORE HERE. DEFLATING YOUR EGO. BECAUSE GOG IS IT FUCKING HUGE.

CG: IF WE WERE BOTH GAY IT’D BE OBVIOUS I’D HAVE MORE LUCK WITH HUMAN OR TROLL MALES THAN YOU

CG: I MEAN HAVE YOU SEEN ME?  
CG: OH WAIT YOU’RE GAY SO OF COURSE YOU HAVE

CG: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA

CG: YOU SEE THAT?

CG: YOU KNOW WHAT THAT IS?

TG: You confessing your undying love for dick?

CG: NO YOU BULDGE SNIFFING CRACKHEAD

CG: IT’S CLEARLY ME LAUGHING AT HOW GAY YOU ARE

CG: ANYWAY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK

CG: I HOPE IT’S AS SHITTY AS YOU LOOK 

TG: So you’ve been checking me out enough to know that?

TG: I hate to hurt your fragile feelings freak, but I’m what John calls ‘not a homosexual’

CG: OK YOU GET NO POINTS FOR ORIGINALITY BECAUSE EVERYDAY WE SHIT ON JOHN’S USE OF THAT WORD

TG: anyway, lovely as this conversation is I actually have to abscond.

TG: Thanks for the posters dude. Genuinely love ‘em

CG: ALMOST AS MUCH AS YOU LOVE DICK

TG: ok I did kind of walk into that one

TG: just like you walk into all the dick you get

CG: YOU’VE UNWITTINGLY TOLD ME YOU THINK IM ATTRACTIVE TO MEN HERE DAVE. IM SENSING SOME REPRESSED HOMOSEXUALITY JUST SAYING

TG: Fuck you

CG: HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDE

carcinoGeneticist [CG] stopped trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]

Smiling to yourself, you close the text window. He always makes you smile. The posters Karkat, the friend you were just talking to, sent you are actually really cool. Sure, some of them are from shitty rom coms he’s obsessed with, but most of them were from comics and bands you love. There were ten in total. There’s even some troll versions. He’s a thoughtful guy though, so you’d expect that from him.  
  


**Dave: spend the next twenty minutes decorating your room.**

You do this, and by the end it looks like something you think he’d be proud of. Not that you care. Just as you finish, you hear a knock at the door. Slipping on your shades, you go to open it. “Hey dave, got surprises for you downstairs you little shit.” Jesse says while ruffling your hair. You give him a thumbs up and follow him downstairs.

When you get there your jaw drops. “No way.” You remark. “Shit! You didn’t!” You can’t help but grin. You look at the table shaped present. Jesse laughs at your response. “Open it, dude.” eagerly you tear open the wrapping paper. And, to your utter delight you end up getting a small, yet relatively decked out mixing table.

you look at Jesse with a shocked expression. He simply grins. “You like it I’m guessing?” You turn to him, and, with all your might, give the smoothest thumbs up you’ve ever done. “Thanks big bro” you smile. He stops. “You just called me big bro?”   
  


nodding, you reach for the finale, smaller gifts. These are from your friends. Jesse rests a hand on your shoulder. “No problem little bro.” You grin and tear open the wrapping paper. You end up with headphones from jade, a small speaker from Kanaya, about $100 from Rose (she’s rich) some chocolate from terezi and a coupon for a free cake at john’s bakery. 

“So I’ve gotta go to work, but feel free to like, invite your friends round ‘n shit, k?” Jesse offers. You represe a sigh. Jesse has never told you where he works or who he even works for, simply stating that “ _it’s not exactly safe work_.”

werido.   
  
**Dave: pry**

“Jess, when are you gonna tell me your job?” Jesse stopped. Turning to you, he smiled nervously. “We disgusted this Dave. That’s one of the only questions we don’t ask. That and who I work for, k?” Disappointed yet not at all shocked, you nod. He still treats you like your ten. Even though you were twelve when he found you on the streets and took you in. You’re thirteen for gog’s sake. Even if it’s illegal, bro didn’t exactly do legal shit. To be fair, you never told him about the website bro set up to scare you when you were younger. How he’d play clips from R rated movies when you were about six or so and convince you they were real. That the people who got killed really died in those films. You shudder at the thought, thankful there are no puppets in sight. 

“there’s snacks in the refrigerator and in the cupboards. I’m coming back in a few hours little dude so don’t eat too much cause I’m coming back with a cake alright?” You nod and slide onto the couch. With the tv remote in hand, you flick it over to the news.

Jesse closes the door behind him and you turn up the volume. You’ll set up the mixing table later. Maybe call up terezi to help you while you jam out with her. 

“...in other news, a new restaurant part of the “los pollos hermanos” chain has opened up here in Albuquerque New Mexico. Sources say the fast food chain quote “will bring new business and partnerships.” However, other unbacked sources claim the chain is-“ you flick the tv off. ‘Nothing interesting’ you think to yourself. Time to call up Terezi to help with the setup.

**Reader: be the blind one.**

why, who’s this young lady?

**— > enter name**

your name is **Terezi Pyrope.** You’re a teal-blooded troll, and one of Dave’s closest friends. Today is his thirteenth birthday. You bought him chocolates because they smelled _fantastic._ you’re also completely blind due to a prank pulled on you by your best friend/worst enemy (it’s complicated) Vriska Serket. Or, as most of you call her, ‘huge bitch’. Instead, you rely on speech to text to translate what you say. This program is broken however, and your friends have told you it interprets certain letters for numbers. Rather than advanced hearing that most blind people get, instead you’ve gotten a remarkable sense of smell, and can identify your friends purely based on that even if they haven’t said a word to you yet.

**Terezi: answer pesterchum**

your laptop dings as it reads “ _you have one new message from turntechGodhead”_. That’s right! You’ve completely forgotten to wish him a happy birthday! How scandalous!

turntechGodhead [TG] Began pestering  gallowsCalibrator [GC]

GC: D4V3! H4PPY B1RTHD4Y! 

TG: thanks Rez. Do u think you could come over? I’ve got a mixing table as my present and it’s cool as fuck.

TG: we could set it up and make sick beats before Jess comes home. 

GC: 1’D LOV3 TO! W1LL CG OR T4 B3 TH3R3? 

TG: Nah I’m seeing them tomorrow.

TG: So you coming? 

GC: SM3LLS L1K3 4 GOOD 1D34 TO M3. 1 C4N B3 TH3R3 1N L1K3 4N HOUR 

GC: BY TH3 W4Y, D1D YOU T3LL H1M Y3T? 

TG: tell who what? 

GC: D1D YOU T3LL CG YOU L1111K3 H1M YET >:] 

TG: I don’t know how to 

GC: (LINKED IMAGE “Thomas had never seen such bullshit before”) 

TG: We had a conversation pretending to mocking each other for being gae 

TG: *gay 

TG: Like it’s painfully obvious he’s straight and idk what I’m supposed to do

TG: he thinks I have a crush on either GG or you. 

GC: 1’M SORRY, D1D YOU JUST C4LL K4RK4T “STR41GHT”

GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3 H3H3H3H3H3H3H

GC: GOOD ON3

GC: H3’S L1TT4R4LY MO1R41LS W1TH TC

GC: 4LTHOUGH H3 1S 4 B1T OF 4 P4L3 SLUT LOL 

TG: wait I didn’t know they made it official?

TG: Shit ok maybe I do gotta shot

TG: I am pretty much the coolest guy any of you know 

TG: Anyway I’ll see you in an hour I guess

TG: Thanks for the gift ‘Rez. 

GC: 4NYT1M3 YOU HOP3L3S ROM4NT1C

GC: >:]]]] 

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  gallowsCalibrator [GC]  
  


**reader: be the chemistry teacher**

are you sure you don’t want to see how Dave and terezi are doing? Maybe be Karkat for the first time? Oh! What about seeing what Jesse’s up to?

**reader: annoyingly persist**

Christ why the hell do you want to be a chemistry teacher?   
What fucking nerds are gogdamn reading this?

**shut up and write dyke.**

ok jeez! At least I get more luck with ladies then you do. What? She throw up at the sight of your veiny penis? Or did she gouge out her eyes from the sight of your face?

**bitch you’re 17 and single. Go make me a sandwich**

Shiver me timbers, it’s a snowflake.

**you don’t even have tits no ladies like you.**

...ouch.

ok fine you can be the chemistry teacher.   
  


**finally.**

your name is **Walter white.** And, as you may have figured out, You’re a rather overqualified chemistry teacher who lives in Albuquerque New Mexico. You have a wife, son, and baby on the way. Your son’s name is **Walter jr.** because apparently you are the least imaginative parents to ever exsist. Today is a few days after your fifty’th birthday.   
  
Your wife, **skyler white** walks into the room with you. You realize your sitting up in one of your armchairs incredibly stiff. Given the fact that you were just diagnosed with lung cancer, it makes sense for you to be a little on edge. Best case scenario: you live a few more years. Worst:...

you don’t want to think about the worst.

Instead, You think back to what you did today...

_ahh the carwash. A place where you go to work your ass off twice as hard in two jobs just so you can keep paying for your son’s physical therapy, your mortgage, schooling bills, house bills, and now your own fucking cancer treatment.  
_

_you’re deep in thought when your bushy eyebrowed boss storms up to you with an angry look. “Walter! Walter! You are here to work, not to stare up into the sky’s!” He remarks. You nod and surpress a glare. “Come on I am short handed out here. I need you to help wash up.”_ what.

_you’re a cashier. You were humiliated last time you did that and HE knows that too. You’re pretty sure he laughed when you collapsed outside, too. “What?” You ask. He rolls His eyes and repeats himself. That’s it. You’ve fucking had enough!_

_”Fuck you.” You mumble. He stares, slack jawed. “Wh- what did you say?” It’s like he’s in complete disbelief. “I said **fuck you! And your eyebrows!”** you back into the stack of car air fresheners, but decide to throw the rest on the floor anyway. “Wipe down this!” You grab your crotch like the biggest middle finger you could give to him. You storm out and walk to your car. Fumbling for your keys, you take one last look at the carwash, before climbing inside and driving the _fuck _outta there._

But you weren’t stupid. Far from that actually. You had a plan. All it was going to take was the right moment...

and, coincidentally, that moment happened to be tomorrow.


	3. Why hello there, strange blind girl who’s suddenly appeared in my house!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse: team up with your highschool chemistry teacher and make the greatest meth empire America has ever seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sampled bits of text from the episode one script near the end of the chapter.

**— > be the DEA agent**

Your name is **hank shcrader.** You’re married to a kleptomaniac brunette named **Marie shcrader** , and work for the DEA. You’re short and stocky, with a bald head and slightly sunburnt skin. You wear a lot of leather despite it being Albuquerque, and are incredibly fond of your job. You’re very charismatic, and naturally a joy to be around. However you do have a problem of belittling others around you unknowingly, and sometimes even knowingly for a laugh. Doing sutble things like take their drink from their hand, or imply that they’re “not man enough”.   
  
Your wife is sisters with Skyler white, making you and Walter family by marriage. You love the guy, and he’s a fantastic husband. But think he’s a bit of a wimp.   
  


Which is why it comes as a complete surprise to you when he calls you up to take you up on your, admittedly, half joking offer.   
  


What was said offer? Why, to come and see a drug bust of course!

“Wow Walt, didn’t know you had it in ya!” You comment happily. “Sure, I’ll send a car to swing by and pick ya up in like...” you pause to check your watch. “Thirty minutes. That cool?” He cleares his throat. “Yeah! Yeah that’s umm, that’s great- thank you hank!” You’re a little off put by the enthusiasm, but hey, you’d rather that then complaining so you’ll keep your mouth shut for now.   
  


The sun is shining as your pall and partner, victor Gomez, pulls up and smiles at you. “Get in the car and- shit you look like a goddamn tomato!” He laughs. You flip him off. “Yeah yeah, fuck you too.”

**— > be Jesse**

Your patients is finally rewarded, dear reader, and you now get to see what Jesse is up to!   
Currently he’s having sex with a friend, but while he’s doing that, his buddy amilio is cooking up a new batch of crystal downstairs.   
  


Jesse- well you suppose you are Jesse, so _your_ secret ingredient is, and always has been from since you started doing this two years ago, chilly powder. People seem to like your shit, but you haven’t sold out a whole batch in ages. And some of your buddies are getting pretty aggressive. You know you should be just focusing on the girl right now, but you can’t help but worry. What will they do to you if you don’t sell enough?   
  


Then, unbeknownst to you at the time, your life changes forever.   
  


You hear shouting downstairs. You stop and realize that _shit. It’s the DEA._ Hurrying to put your clothes on, you notice the best way to get out is through a window. Onto the roof.

Fuck.   
  


With the jeans still in your hand, the fully naked girl shoves you outside the window. You stumble onto the roof, but slip just as you finish doing up your fly. Thankfully it’s a low roof and your fine minus a few bruises and scrapes here and there.

You turn around and _oh my god._ There’s someone in the car! Shit! Without bothering to take a closer look, you place a finger over your lips while still looking at him, and rush to your car.   
  


After getting your Keys out and unlocking the car door, you turn on the engine and drive away as fast as you can. “Fuck amilio, he was an asshole anyway” you say to yourself. Speeding off, you realize something. Something you’re almost one thousand percent sure you imagined because it is was too batshit crazy to even be real. Was...was the person that saw you mr white?! You know, _your highschool fucking chemistry teacher!_ Totally normal thing to expect to see while running away from your secret meth lab that the DEA just busted into! What a _normal Saturday_!   
  


**Jesse: calm the fuck down and remember it’s your kind-of-son’s birthday**

That’s right. You’re taking Dave out for cake with his friends as a birthday treat. His friend John did give him a coupon after all. You take a look at the photo of you and him taped on your sun visor. You know he’d think it was ‘totally uncool’ or some bullshit like that but it was the day he really started to open up to you. You’d gotten the kid an ice cream and bought him some clothes that he desperately needed. All he had in his bag at the time was some legal documents, his buss pass, a torch, seriously busted up phone, some candy bars and a photo of him and his friends jade, Rose, John, Kanaya, Terezi, and Karkat. You smile fondly at the memory of that day. He’d been trying to teach you how to do an ‘epic’ backflip. He was more of a nerd than you’d admit but you loved the little shit regardless.   
  
You had to remind yourself to put him first. Whenever things or opportunities came up that you wanted, (such as prostitutes, booze or quality weed (which you had recently stopped selling in order to make more money for the two of you)) you needed to think about Dave’s education and whether there was enough food for you both. Not to mention housing bills. The only people who knew about him were your best friends, skinny Pete and badger. You didn’t want to risk his safety, especially with his abusive brother still on the look out for him. 

Usually you could afford it, and go have your fun. But it was always a concern whenever you left him alone for more than a few hours. So maybe you were a tad overprotective. Man, being an adult sucks. All these responsibilities all because you didn’t give him in to the foster care system. You sometimes wonder what would of happened if you did. But even thinking about what could of happened to Dave in there makes you shudder, and you think you’ll always view taking him in as the best decision of your life. You love him like a son, afterall.

You arrive at your house faster than previously expected. The door is shut but not locked. After a brief wave of panic washes over you, you remember that you told him he could invite a few friends round as it was the weekend and his birthday. Sighing in relief, you turn the doorknob and walk in. “Dave?” You call out to the newly turned thirteen year old. There wasn’t a huge age difference between the kid and yourself, you’d only just turned twenty one like a week ago, but it was still more of a father-son dynamic than a brother-brother one. As much as Dave would hate to admit that. You hear loud music playing from upstairs. Suddenly it stops. You hear a “I smell someone else!” From upstairs and hear footsteps. Closing the door behind you, you once again call out to him “Dave? Come on, let’s get some cake- oh, well Umm, hey there little dude...you one of Dave’s friends or some shit?” You smile, hoping the girl standing in front of you wouldn’t be offended by your greeting. Luckily, she wasn’t. With a big smile, she reply’s “yep!”. You notice her red shades and cane, and guess that she must be blind. “Dave! Your lusus is home!” She calls out. His what?

“What did you call me?” You laugh. But you then realise that, her horns look real and her skin doesn’t look painted. She’s a troll. You’ve heard a lot about trolls from Dave’s friend Karkat. But he’s the only one of Dave’s friends, except for John and Rose, that you’ve met. You soon see how similar she looks to one of the girls in Dave’s photo. “You’re Terezi, right?” You question with somewhat uncertainty. She nods eagerly and you stick out your hand.   
  


**Jesse: remember that this child is blind and you’re kind of accidentally being an ass**

Oh, right. She can’t see you’ve stuck your hand out. Awkwardly putting your hand away, you ask her if she wants to come for cake. “Unfortunately, I have important justice to attend to. Mainly executing my stuffed animals!” She laughs wickedly and you smile. She’s gotta be like, what, thirteen? The same age as Dave? And she’s still playing pretend. It’s nice to see kids doing that shit, unlike you who was smoking blunts, having sex way to early, and buying shit off of dealers at her age. 

“I shall abscond. Au revoir Dave!” She calls out. “Smell you later.” Dave hollers back walking down the stairs. He’s eating the chocolates his friend got him and smiling. “John or Karkat coming to get cake?” You ask. He shakes his head. “No but Rose is.” You nod “cool, cool. You wanna go now and meet her there?” He nods. But just as you both are about to leave, Dave stops you and asks “Jess, what do you say to someone you like...like more than a friend?” You stop and turn to face him. “Shit, little Dave’s got a crush? Who’s the lucky lady?” He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. “Not saying. But I’ve known ‘em for ages and-“ “Is it Terezi?” He blushes in embarrassment. “No! We’re just friends!” He insists. “Ok, how about that jade girl you’ve talked to me about? Or that chick Kanaya?” He cuts you off with a glare. “Stop trying to guess asshat!” You laugh. He’s usually very composed. So it’s incredibly funny to see him get all flustered over a girl. “Ok mr. Cool dude Strider. At least tell me what she’s like.” He gives. You smirk.

“They’re kind of an asshole, but they’re really thoughtful and caring. They helped me out a lot with escaping bro. I just kind of _like_ like them, ya know?” You stand there for a second. Is he...is he talking about...? No that would be ridiculous...right?  
  


“Definitely a girl we’re talking about?” He looks shocked, appalled even. Then nods with over enthusiasm. “Yeah, I’m not gay dude. Gross.” You roll your eyes and crouch down to his level. Placing a hand on his shoulder you look at him and say “I wouldn’t care if it was a troll, human, boy, girl, hell I wouldn’t care if they weren’t a boy or a girl! Just as long as they’re not gonna hurt you, alright? I know the language I use isn’t exactly “politically correct” dude, but I don’t give a fuck if you’re gay, alright?” The young African American teen stairs up at you. Smiling a little. “Thanks, Jess. But I don’t like boys. Still, that means a lot.” You give him a quick hug and he hugs back a little. “Come on, let’s go meet up with Rose for some cake.”  
  


**Dave: try not to cry a little**

You’re extremely good at this. But damn if you weren’t tempted to come out then and there. You’ve heard Jesse use the word f**got a lot of times in the passed. So hearing him say that almost brings you to tears. Key word being “almost”. Cool guys don’t cry. Not at all.   
However, you do hug Jesse back. 

**Reader: watch Walter find Jesse  
**

It’s night now, and Jesse’s car is covered over. Walter peers underneath the tarp hiding Jesse’s licence plate. It reads “Cap’1n cook”. The license plate is the same one Walter saw driving away from the drug bust. “it’s only me. I’m alone.” Walter calls out. Jesse slowly rises from his hiding spot. “How'd you find me?” He questions, looking ready to attack. “You're still in our filing system. Your aunt owns this place, right?” He glares at Walter. “ _I_ own it.” Jesse insists. Walter nods and throws his hands up in surrender.

“No one is looking for you...” he begins, and Jesse gives him a suspicious look. “what do you want?” He finally gives. Walt smiles while pinkman peers into the darkness behind him to check if there’s others somewhere. Satisfied Walt is alone, he relaxes his shoulders a bit.   
“I was curious.” White shrugs. “Honestly, I never expected you to amount to much. Methamphetamine, though. I didn't picture that. Lotta money in it, huh?” He asks coldly Jesse reaches for a nearby tire iron. “I got no idea what your talking about, man” he insists. Walt raises an eyebrow. “No?” He asks. “Not a freakin’ clue.” “Huh. Cap'n Cook? That's not you? Like I said, no one's looking for you. I didn't tell anyone.” White insists. Jesse glares up at him. “I don't know what you think you're doing here, Mr. White. If you're planning on giving me some bullshit about getting right with Jesus or something, turning myself in -“ white cuts him off. “Not really” 

“You ain't "Welcome Back, Kotter," so step off. No speeches.” Jesse grips his iron tighter. Walter squints and makes a tiny gap between his forefinger and thump. “Short speech.” Rolling his eyes Jesse stares up and waits for what ever shitty thing his old chemistry teacher has to tell him. Dave’s sleeping right now, and he’d rather not wake him up with all this noise. “You lost your partner today. What's-his-name, Emilio? Emilio's going to prison. The D.E.A. took your money, your lab. You got nothing. Square one. But you know the business, and I know the chemistry. I'm thinking. Maybe you and I...partner up.” Jesse almost drops the iron in shock. _What. Is he fucking crazy?_

“you..you wanna partner up? With _me?!“_ however, before Jesse can break into a laugh, Walter drops a bombshell on him. “either that...” he begins,

  
” **Or I turn you in.** ”

Stone cold silence.   
He...he had no other choice. What was even fucking happening right now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m on a roll, almost two thousand three hundred words for this chapter! Please comment if you’re enjoying :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: graphic discussions of physical child abuse.

**Jesse: try to work out what the actual fuck just happened.**

So... you just got your lab destroyed by the DEA, was spotted by your high school chemistry teacher, tracked down by him using some matrix shit, and are now being blackmailed into cooking with him while your “adopted” son is now is even more danger. Because if this shit actually does work then he’s going to be tracked down in order to get you to come to them... yep, normal Saturday.

But you’re not thinking about that right now. Right now, you are desperately trying to calm down Dave from another night terror. 

_After you came back in the house, you had heard screaming from his room. You never before knew how strong parental instincts could be when you’re child was possibly in danger, but your brain suddenly went “Dave. Hurt. Must help. Must protect. Kill any intruders.” You didn’t even realise you were running up the stairs until you were at his door. It was like you blinked and were there. Busting it open without bothering to knock, you yell “Dave! What the fuck happened, are you alright!?” Only to see a scared thirteen year old, in tears and sniffling while shaking and struggling to breathe._

**Jesse: console**

Rubbing his back while he let out shaken, deep cries honestly broke your heart a little. It had only been a nightmare. Dave was not an easily scared kid. Nightmares shouldn’t be this fucking bad. In a low voice, you begin to ask him if he could tell you what happened in the dream. “I’m-“ he broke off into a short sob before doing his best to breathe and attempt to compose himself. “I’m ok, they-“ another sob. “They aren’t usually this fucked up, man. But jegus, _he wouldn’t stop._ It was like I was reliving it!”

You swallow. “Who wouldn’t stop, Dave?” You calmly prompt. He turns to you. His red eyes puffy from crying. “B-bro. Fuck.” He stops to wipe his eyes on his sleeve. “He kept...he kept hitting me. He grabbed my hair and through me against the wall...he started choking me and I couldn’t fu-fucking breathe!” He’d now gone back to harshly sobbing, choking on his own tears. You pull him in for a tight hug and he cries into your shoulder. “Dave, kid, is this based on a memory of something he actually did?” He pulls away from you, and nods. “It was like some sort of fucked up routine he did.” He begins. “Come home, if he’d had a normal day, challenge me to a strife on the roof. We’d sword fight until I had br-broken bones or collapsed from bleeding and shit. Did you know he kept swords in the fridge? I think I said that before. If...” he trails off. But just as you are about to tell him he doesn’t have to continue, he takes a deep, slow breathe and does anyway.   
  


“If he’d had a bad day he’d fucking drag me out by my hair like a rag doll. Most of the time he’d choke me till a passed out - *sob* - if not, he’d fucking tell me not to move while he... actually, I don’t want to talk about th-that last part.”   
  


You’re not surprised at his abuse, but the ‘I don’t want to tell you what happens next’ really fucking worries you. You hug him tightly. You hadn’t been making enough to send Dave to therapy, but know now that he needs it more than ever. “Shhh, it’s ok.” You attempt to calm him by saying this, but know you need to know what he did next. “This is so fucking lame, man.” Dave laughs humourlessly. You shake your head. “Fuck that. Dude, you’ve been through so fucking much. I think...” you sigh. ‘Here goes nothing.’ You think to yourself. “I think you need a therapist.” Expecting some sort of defiance, you instead get a quiet nod. Dave right now just seems so...so broken. So defeated. And it pisses you off beyond belief. You could never, EVER imagine doing this shit to your little brother. Hell, your dad was a dick who was maybe a tad emotionally abusive, but even he would never lay a hand on you. Especially not when you were younger than ten like Dave had been.   
  


“You’re the strongest person I know, little dude. Everything, all the abuse and trauma, everything. You don’t deserve that. You’re bro was an ass and I’ll kill him if I ever see that fucker walking around. Don’t worry.” He smiles and nods. You rub his shoulder with a side hug. “Come one, kid. Let’s get you a hot chocolate. You wanna stay up past eleven thirty tonight?” You ask. He rolls his eyes but smiles and nods. You grin. You leave the light on and door open as you walk downstairs to make him a hot cocoa. You think you have marshmallows and spray cream in the fridge, but if you don’t, you don’t care that it’s eleven pm, you’ll run down to the store and by Dave a candy bar as tall as he is. Hell, it was his birthday after all.   
  


You weren’t joking when you said you’d kill his brother.

**Jesse: make your son some hot cocoa**

After a moment of silence from upstairs, the birthday boy came and sat at the breakfast bar while you squirted a mountain of cream into his piping hot drink. You ruffle his hair and give him a fatherly kiss on the head. “Lame-o.” He half heartedly insults. You flip him off and slide him the drink with a smile. Dave suddenly stops smiling and looks up at you. “He would...the thing I didn’t want to talk about was him filming me. When I’d be lying there after he choked me he’d film me and post it on some weird ass site he had.”

“God, so the fucker humiliated you after beating the shit out of you?!” You ask incredulously. “Yep.” Dave reply’s, popping the P. You probably look mortified. But upon seeing the newly turned teen’s discomfort, you decided that a new conversation topic is probably in order. “Look. Is there anything else you want to talk about?” You ask. He shakes his head. Then looks up at you. “Hey Jess, can I get like some marshmallows?” He asks. You smile. “‘Course, bud.” You chuck him a pack of mini pink and white ones you found in the cupboard next to the cocoa mix. Excitedly, he rips open the bag and pours every single last one of the fluffy gelatine treats onto his chocolaty beverage.

“ _ **Yo, it’s the m- to the arsh- to the me- to the lows who make the chocolate- go go go! Seeing it hot and tasty just like candy should be. Sweet sweet taste of a sweet sweet treat with an all you can eat sign, makes it perfect just like a fucking chocolate wizard. Yeah.**_ ” Dave raps. You give him a small clap and a laugh at his antics. Extremely happy he has calmed down. He nods and slides on his shades he’d apparently brought down with him. You give him a high-five. He retaliates harder than expected and you wince a little before remembering the kid was wearing rings. Ouch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very short chapter, more of an interlude really. But as it’s Christmas and Boxing Day I’m most likely not going to be posting today or tomorrow. So have some Jesse and Dave father-son bonding, as a treat ❤️


	5. Info dump! And secrets!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas, you adorable little shit. Have some info dumping about box cutter, as a treat. ❤️

So my dear readers, we have recently gone to almost 80 hits (woohoo!) thank you all so much for the support. I love this idea and am excited to continue the au, with drawings on my insta in future. I’ll tell you guys when they’re up.  
  


Box cutter is an idea that came to me while I was maladaptive daydreaming one day. I couldn’t get it out of my head. The idea of incorporating breaking bad and homestuck was so fucking bizarre that I had. To. Do. It!!

This was originally going to be a humanstuck fic, but adding in the trolls being...well, trolls made it have this interesting idea of how the breaking bad characters would react in a homestuck setting on earth.   
  


Another thing was that originally Karkat was going to be the one getting adopted by Jesse. However, with Dave’s brother being the piece of shit that he is, it just made sense. Karkat still goes through a lot of things he doesn’t deserve in this story, and although I won’t say anything specific, I will say that the minute Gamzee comes into the picture is the minute everything goes to shit, especially for Karkat. No Gamkar I’m afraid. Although wholesome gamkar is rather adorable and something I ship myself, in this fic it would be incredibly toxic to put them as anything other than friends.   
  


And you better believe Walter and Jesse are still a massive focus in this. I’m just focusing on Jesse and Dave for now to establish their father-son relationship type deal.

Happy Hanukkah/Kwanza/Christmas everyone. I’ll see you with a new chapter on the 27th!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for 100 hits guys!

**Jesse: start cookin’**

  
Mr. white was coming over today with the things to start the lab up. And you were just praying that Dave’s after school club was still on. You consciously know that he’d call you if he was heading back early, but you can’t risk anyone else in the meth business finding out Dave is your kid. You’re pretty sure it’ll put his friends in danger too. But your main concern is Dave. His car pulls up, and he steps out as you lounge on your deckchair and stake a swig of your beer. “You gonna help me or just sort of... sit there?” He asks with annoyance. Rolling your eyes, you walk over and lean on his car hood. Watching him carefully as he grabbed each item and explained to you their use like you’d never cooked a day in your life. It pissed you off, so you back chat. Well swear there’s some unspoken authority due to him being much older than you. ‘ _Fuck that’_ you think. ‘ _Im not his goddamn student anymore’._ And you’re right. You weren’t gonna take any shit form Mr. white. Not ever again. After bringing several things into your garage, you stop him.   
  


“So where are you planning to cook this stuff with me?” You ask after he sets down a box of lab equipment. “Well, here’s good enough isn’t it?” He questioned. Slack jawed, you stare at him. Is he... is he serious?! HERE!?

”fuck man, I don’t shit where I eat.” You insist. He rolls his eyes. “Jesse. You live alone. This is a perfect-“ you cut him off. “You want to do it where you live? Didn’t think so.” He begrudgingly nods but grumbles anyway.   
  


You think to yourself for a moment. “We need somewhere discrete, somewhere we can cook... somewhere...” 

“like an RV?” He asks. ‘ _Yeah_ ’ you think. “That could work.”

Just then, you hear something. The gate opens. The two of you spin round to see non other than!

dave.   
  


fuck.

“Hey Jess, your phone was off so I couldn’t tell you but after school shit was cancelled.” He calls out.   
  


did you really forget to switch on your phone!?   
  


“Who is this?” Mr. White aggressively whispers to you. You guess there’s no way of getting out of this. 

“Shit, sorry. How was school?” You ask him, hoping the nervousness in your voice doesn’t show. He shrugs. “It was ok. Is that...mr white?” He questions, pointing a thumb to the man standing next to you. You internally cringe. This is literally the worst possible outcome for today.   
  


“Dave?” He asks. “What are you doing here?” Your son cocks an eyebrow. “I live here.” He says flatly. “Jesse’s my dad.”

You can see Walter stiffen from the corner of your eye. “You hungry?” You ask, pretending like there is nothing wrong with the situation. He nods. “Don’t drink nothing but AJ ok? Hey and eat something actually decent like fruit!” You call after him as he heads inside. As soon as he is gone you facepalm. How could you have forgotten to turn on your phone!?

“You have a son?” He asks incredulously. You nod slowly, knowing this isn’t good. “You’ve adopted a child?” You nod again. “When!?” He exclaims, apparently not bothering to keep his voice down. You sigh. 

“Look I'll explain everything alright? Just calm down.” You insists. He chuckles in disbelief. “Why did you get into meth if you had a child!?” He whisper yells. “I had no money alright! And hey, you got a kid too!” You retaliate. He grumbles. “Why did you adopt him in the first place if you don’t have the money, dumbass?” He scolds. You roll your eyes. “The kid was living on the street and I’ve got a huge fuckin’ house! Ok!? He lived with an abuser, I couldn’t take him back!” You glare angrily. Mr. White stops and sighs. “Jesse, that was incredibly noble but also so stupid! Do you even have adoption papers?”   
  


“duh, we made them up! Kid was smart, he had almost every credential on him he needed apart from that...” you laugh a little in disbelief. “Tell me you’d turn him away. You know Dave! You fucking teach him, hell, I was going to be at the parents evening on next Monday! He’s a good kid, his older brother looked after him, beat the shit out of him and filmed it every goddamn day. What was I supposed to say?! “Sorry, you’re the states’ problem now! Good luck ever trusting anyone again!” He’s my fucking son man! No matter how long I’ve had him for! I love him and he’s my fucking kid.”

Eventually, white gives. It’s an awkward silence before you hear mr. White chuckle. “You? At a parent’s evening? My god, I think when that day comes I’d have seen everything.” A laugh escapes your lips. This is so fucking ridiculous. You’re cooking meth with your old high school chemistry teacher who’s blackmailed you, hunted you down through the school system, and now seen your son who you’ve taken off the streets and away from his abuser. Fucking normal day for you, you guess.   
  
  


“Is umm, fuck haha, is Dave doing alright in his class?” White can’t help but laugh, and you laugh too. “He’s doing good, Jesse. He’s forgetting to hand in his homework though.” He smiles. You smile and roll your eyes. “I got him-” you stop to laugh “I got him a small cheap mixing table for his birthday a week back. He loves the thing but damn I have to shut off the goddamn power every night so he doesn’t stay up past eleven thirty to play on it with his headphones. He knows I can’t hear it when he does that, the little shit. But the kid needs to sleep, even if it means taking away his fun for a few hours.” You both laugh together, mr. White pats you on the back. “You sound like a good dad. Dave’s a smart kid, polite too, but he’s a rebel at school. Is it the same at home?” You pause and think for a minute. “I guess, but as long as he’s not getting into drugs like me, staying up past eleven thirty or eating nothing but chocolate I’m pretty relaxed with what he does. You know, within reason and all that jazz. But I don’t make him go outside unless he’s been watching the tv nonstop for more than just a few hours.” You smile fondly. You continue.

”I’m glad to hear he’s polite ‘n shit. He was kind of rude when we were first sorting things out. So I made him a deal. If he can cut down the swearing in front of adults and say please a little more, I buy him extra AJ. GOG he’s fucking obsessed with AJ man. Could be worse, could be meth.” You both laugh at the slight irony of your sentence. “But anyways, man. An RV would be perfect.” 


End file.
